SOC02182013

Aside

On sitting in a stick structure building a stick structure:

you’re creating, I’m destroying. or maybe, I’m merely changing as I scrape my fingernails along the dampening wood. if they can even be called fingernails.

listening.

directness.

skipping down valleys and leaping over into new ones at will.

next.

fail.

this isn’t going anywhere.

cool story.

and that’s the end of that.

on point of view. what does that say?

because subconscious art: I am a warrior princess.

L u c k

NRE

on meeting your match

on matchsticks falling

the game.

losing.

I always lose.

would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

would you rather be happy, or does your pride matter that much?

happiness. what is that?

neutrality is stability.

B O U N D A R I E S

“you’re creepy with the energy thing.”

I wish you could take a hint.

that isn’t fair, but it’s true and I’m sorry

better out, than in.

when in doubt, algebra. a neutral analogy and it gets one’s point across.

all other times, creative analogies. they’re probably mostly terrible but why eat a bowl of cereal when you can jazz it up with cinnamon, almond butter, and chia seeds?

on full meals rather than empty.

because x when I meant o. screw that, I meant 5. high five. five. cinq.

and we can be friends so long as I foreground your subtext

(bs)

I’m going to be productive today, and I might have a concussion but I might also just be depressed or something. I’m sick of being so tired.

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Aside

There’s something omni-potent about blogging that seems to set patterns in motion. I’m not sure if it’s the private/public domain of expressing yourself publicly while knowing the “public” is so convoluted only the most irrelevant articles get passed around on one’s Facebook feed. Maybe, it’s the “I’m paying attention but only insofar as I hope you might, in kind, be paying attention” quasi-stalker mentality. Perhaps, it’s the “thoughts are energy” and you attract what you put out there new-age schtick. Whatever. I’m not trying to ignite a rant here, I hope you get my point.

All I’m saying is, when I blog about things, they tend to actually happen to me in my real life. As an example, I started a blog when I was 18. A ¬†young lass freshly thrown into university life, I was bitter, lonely, misunderstood, and drivel. I started blogging about the musings of an alter ego that existed in my mind. I think I called her Patysse. I knew a girl named Patisse when I was taking acting and modeling lessons, and I took a shine to this girl Patisse. When I created the blog, I added a “Y” in keeping with the crazy Hanson tradition and I brainstormed adventures that I would go on were I actually this woman Patysse. I don’t think I blogged about her for longer than one post, one irrelevant, cliche post at that, but here I am, a few years later, and I’m no longer that docile doormat wishing she were brave enough to claim herself some excitement. Audacity is no longer an issue for me. Balance and health and being “good” is, but that’s another story.

I also taught myself how to be an intuitive eater through a couple-month long process of blogging, food blogging specifically. It wasn’t original but it was beneficial. Is there a virtue in being original?

Anyway, long story short, some things I want to start incorporating into my routine:

1. writing.¬†daily. short story writing, short film brainstorming, poem writing, character describing, WHATEVER, get your ass writing. and no, blog writing doesn’t entirely count, nor does essay writing. well, maybe some essay writing.

2. GET. A. JOB. waitressing, hosting, temping, whatever. You’re going to PARIS in a few months, you’re going to need some money.

3. figure out my Parisian wardrobe. I tend to be adaptable, and while I’m no chameleon, some of my Seattle do ups probably won’t cut it in Paris.

4. write. make stuff. be. productive.

SOC101022013

Aside

because photobucket

on wasting time

because facebook

on myspace top 8s

because dinner

because romance.

on friendship

and romance?

because friendship ll romance.

because family.

I’m wasting time.

on self-absorption

and over-eating

because balance

on treadmills

(because listening to music)

on drowning out the world

because listening.

on drowning

and suicide

on violente romances

because fantasy.

disconnectivity

connectivity

because chemistry

biology is destiny (?)

I’d have your babies were I desiring of the things.

on motherhood

because (she loves her cat more)

on ice and fire

apples and oranges

sneakers and slippers

on body positivity.

apples are as beautiful as grapefruits

I’d still rather eat a grapefruit.

I can eat a grapefruit every day.

(apples are only occasional)

because blogging

and writing

and time

and waste

on the news

gay marriage

trans identity

identity

growing up

pockets. [pockets[pockets] pockets]

because pockets.

Valezquez, what about him?

on color filters

and bourgeois critiques

“it isn’t a film, it’s an attempt at cinema”

okay.

okay.

okay.

because Paris

on money

(with) out

because Paris

for Paris

to Paris

from Paris

“audacity isn’t a virtue”

(duplicity isn’t a virtue)

duplicity is a profession

audacity is a transgression

your desire may not be duplicitous but your role models aren’t perfect

and I like transgressions.

because judeophilia

because francophilia

because you don’t care

because you smell (to me)

because okay.

because you’re outta time.

on ephemerality

and ethereality

because I love you.

because love.

because friendship,

because romance,

because it feels good.

because I don’t care

on resistance

because I’m resistant.

because we want the same things.

because with(out), because (with) in

because I’m arguing with myself.

you won’t win, you just won’t

it isn’t about winning.

she whispered.