Anxiety on high and WIAW

I skipped class again because I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t leave my house. This really needs to stop, it’s becoming   quite pathetic. Honestly, my “excuse” is, not only am I stressed about family issues, but I caught a late screening of a film last night, got home later than usual, and decided not to set an alarm. Meaning I had time neither for a run nor some mini Pilates sessions. The sad part is, that I could hardly even pay attention to the film, which is a shame, because not only was I genuinely interested in the film, but I was in good company…..I really need to learn how to relax. ANYWAY. Onto: Image

I woke up around 8am, and had some coffee with Silk Coconut Milk creamer, French Vanilla.

I then jogged over to Garfield Field, and did some HIIT. I sprinted up & down, walked up, jogged back down, and repeated. I did this 5 times. It felt amazing. While I was running, I saw some late high school stragglers shuffling their ways to class (or not) and a pair of custodians were watching my running intently. Sounds silly, but I felt a bit rebellious, knowing I probably was “trespassing” it being school hours and all. Oh well.

By the time I got back to my house, I was not craving the cookie dough oats I’d prepared the night before, so whipped up this instead: Image

Lunch for breakfast, because why the fuck not. If you can’t quite see all the details from the (iPhone) photo, it’s half a Dave’s Killer Everything Bagel, 1 TBSP of Veganaise, 1 slice of Artisan Vegan Field Roast (Wild Mushroom), half a baby avocado, and a tofu scramble with red & green kale. It was quite delicious, the perfect post-run breakfast.

I then finished up some writing that I’d neglected to do over the weekend. I must be PMSing or something, because I was craving chocolate like a mofo. I made some decaffeinated chamomile with maple syrup, had a few bites of the Nutella Fudge I made the night before, even a square of dark chocolate. Nothing seemed to satisfy my need for sweet.

I didn’t eat this all myself, but this is what it looked like by the time I remembered to take a picture of it.

Image

I was happy when lunch rolled around, which I ate right before I (finally) left my house for class. This is when I whipped out the Breakfast Cookie Dough   I made. I made mine overnight oats style & with Chia seeds, plus some maple syrup and 1 TBSP of Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter. Image

I walked to class (about 1.4 miles) and during the thing, received a text message from my dad which triggered some negative emotions. I could hardly get through the class (I’m so fragile as of late…) and afterwards, I was fuming, steaming, wanting to punch, kick, and throw things. I didn’t, of course, though I probably scared some people with my speed walking. I ended up walking into Big Mario’s to hit power hour. I haven’t done this since summer, I hardly even drink anymore, but it felt appropriate……Image

Dollar beer just in time to help me “cope.”

It was time for a long walk after that. I mentioned I left my keys on Bainbridge Island, so I walked downtown to retrieve them from my friend’s father’s law offices. About 1.6 miles round trip, but I continued the adventure, and walked down Broadway to return Notorious. Add another mile and a half or so of walking.

I got back to campus just in time to heat up my dinner, which was simply my lentil/quinoa/kale mash up, this week with minced garlic, onions, and daiya cheese. Image

Can you believe that I was still craving chocolate? I ordered a hot cocoa with almond milk, which I drank during my evening class.

After class, I caught up on emails and things for an hour, then went to see The Connection at the Northwest Film Forum. I was a bit distracted, though I was happy to see the person I saw it with, but the energy was sort of off between us, which is unfortunate. What I hate about seeing people for long periods of time — it gets to a point where things just sort of feel routine, and while you may have nights where the energy is right on par and things are absolutely amazing, you also have nights like yesterday that are just sort of .. off. and blah. blah.

blah.

Anyway, generally, when we see films together, we catch earlier screenings, and I think he got rather hungry during the film, because he went to get some popcorn and started wolfing it down like a crazy person, much to my amusement. He kept offering it to me and while I was a bit hungry too (seriously, yeah), I wasn’t really feeling popcorn, but I grabbed a few handfuls. Our hands kept colliding as his seemed perpetually reaching back to fetch more kernels! It was silly. I rather liked the film, though as I said, wasn’t of the most astute attention. Got at issues of voyeurism & privilege, ethics & disconnects. Reminded me that while heroine addicts are heroine addicts are heroine addicts, at least the ones in the 60s played neat jazz music. Now, junkies just sit around like the guys in the film, but they listen to Miley Cyrus & watch MTV. Boring, awful.

Anyway, it was late when the film got out and we were both anxious to get home because we both like to wake up early (ish) and conduct our morning routines and we both sort of had unpleasant things on our minds and I’m super neurotic as of late anyway, I got on my bicycle and rode home. It felt so good to ride my bicycle! I’d been without it for two days, having my keys stuck on Bainbridge Island and him being locked up on campus.

Went home and opened another beer, started drinking it,  realized I didn’t want it, just went to bed without even bothering to set an alarm after becoming suddenly exhausted. Pretty alright day.

Now, off to do more interval training! Or maybe a long jog. Not sure which I’m feeling yet, but I need to turn this day around, and fast.

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